


Taking The Piss

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy, Drabble, Explicit Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-29
Updated: 2008-05-29
Packaged: 2018-10-26 12:20:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10786641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Alastor Moody's association with the Weasley Family began inTimes Past.An Adventure with 'Rough' Rupert Weasley - Ron's Grandfather.Part of both "Midnight Confessions" and "Smell Of Lavender"





	Taking The Piss

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

Taking The Piss. 

by alloy

_**In times past.** _

He yanks me back.

Roughly, living up to his name, un-apologetically, and the flames miss me by inches.

I'm still gasping in air that seems to be void of oxygen when he screams into my bemused ear. 

"RUN BOY RUN."

Of course I run. It's a dragon, a great bloody Atlantic Blue that someone charmed had charmed into a bottle. A small bottle, an enchanted bottle, and one very angry magical flame-breathing creature.

The perfect way to destroy evidence.

The perfect way to put our investigation in the toilet.

And the investigators in into the fire...literally. 

The house shudders.

The bottle had been in the kitchen, triggered to gently crack as we opened the door from the main dining room.

It would be in the dining room now, forcing it's way through the stone arch doorway, licking our heels with flames.

Rupert stops. I crash into his broad back nearly breaking my nose. 

"Bathroom" he says.

"Bloody Hell." I reply. "It's a Dragon, there's no time to take a piss."

"We can't disapperate." Rupert says striding forward purposely. "There was a ward when we came in." 

Behind us stone protests and shatters. 

"Yeah." I mutter.

"I doubt we will be able to get out the house." 

The dragon draws breath behind me.

Rupert kicks open the white door, leans over and spits purposefully on each side of the arch.

I stare at the Dragon, fire dribbles from it's mouth, which opens and flame rushes to meet me.

Then the copper wall is brighter than the flame, filling the doorway protecting us from the heat.

"I'm sorry boy." Rupert says as he struggles with the old fashioned buttons on his trousers.

"What?" 

"I'm sorry there was no time."

"Whatchadoing." I manage.

"Mouth's too dry." Rupert replies. "Lucky we stopped for that butterbeer." He begins to piss across the doorway and along the wall. The copper ward extends beyond the doorway following his stream. 

Rupert nudges my foot.

"Move lad"

That's when I notice my other leg is gone. Neatly amputated and cauterised by the magic that was now protecting us from the dragon's inferno.

A Weasley ward.

I had paid for our lives with my leg, and 'Rough' Rupert Weasley was taking the piss.

_Taken from "Rough Rupert Weasley - A biography" by Alastor Moody_


End file.
